Valentines Day
If you’re reading this on the day it goes out, it’s the day before Valentine’s Day, but even if you read this a few days from now, the message is timeless.
This year I am without an “official” Valentine. That is, a honey, sweetheart, partner, lover, … so, what’s a gal to do??!? Oh, my darlings, it’s really not so bad. In fact, I’ve already started to celebrate. There is the most beautiful bouquet of pale pink roses on a table in my boudoir. I spent at least 10 minutes surveying the floral selections until I found the bunch that truly called to me. Then, I perused the chocolate selection in our well-stocked grocery store. Dark chocolate with coconut, something I’ve loved since childhood, coyly waved at me from the shelf and I lovingly put it in my shopping cart.
But, wait – all of this started the weekend before when I attended an extravaganza in NYC hosted by one of my brilliant mentors, Mama Gena (www.mamagenas.com). While there, I took special care to dress for the occasion: black lace, cashmere, and lots of pearls. I participated in this event because I knew I’d be surrounded by a bevy of Sister Goddesses and I was not disappointed. Dear friends from previous classes and many women new to the School of Womanly Arts held me throughout the two days. (Side note: if you’ve never taken a course with Mama Gena, head on over to her website and see what’s cooking.)
Back to my Valentine Indulgences … this past Friday I went to hear my sister’s boyfriend sing and play his guitar at a local club. When he asked me to get up and sing with him, I did and it was great fun. At the bar, I chose exactly the perfect red wine for the evening and the bartender ended up gifting it to me. I’m dating these days, playing the field, but mostly I’m practicing profound self-care … and this makes me a luscious Valentine on February 14 or any day. The best news of all – you can do it, too! Welcome to Sassy, Sensual Living.
Goal or Desire?
Do you have mostly goals or desires and what’s the difference? The way I see it, a goal is something that you’d like to cross off your “to do” list, maybe something you’ve been putting off. It could be cleaning out your closet, organizing your papers for your tax return, or, even just getting your laundry done. There is certainly a feeling of satisfaction once it’s accomplished. It could even be accompanied by a sense of relief. And, that’s as far is it goes. It’s more of a mental exercise and often is accompanied by a “should” … I should get to that, I should take care of that, I should …One of the problems with should is that they are usually driven by what we think others expect from us. We get caught up in worrying how someone else might judge us.
Let’s look at desires … these are longings. Perhaps you yearn to live in a warmer climate, or to visit a particular country, or to become a florist (while currently, you are unfulfilled as an office manager, or … fill in the blank). These come from the heart and soul and completely from within us. Desires fill us with a sense of hope and happiness when we daydream about them. They are not always understood by others and sometimes, if we express them to someone, their reaction might be, “Why would you want to do that?”, or, “That’s ridiculous. You could never …”
That does not mean there is anything wrong with your desire. It simply means that you shared it with someone who just didn’t get it.
A desire might turn into a goal — this is the best possible combination. This is a way to integrate your head, heart, and soul. If, for example, you find yourself truly struggling in your job and thinking more and more about what you’d really like to do, it might be time to make a plan. Find someone who can help you take what you long for and figure out how to make it happen.
*We need both desires and goals in our lives. One is not better or more noble than another. Sometimes our “to-do” list of goals helps us keep a clear space so that we have room for getting in touch with our desires. Having no goals leaves us wandering aimlessly through our days and having no desires keeps us uninspired. Here’s a little exercise for you:
*Write down 5 goals. Notice if they are things that will improve your life and if they come from within you and not just from what you perceive someone else or others might expect from you.
*Make a list of 5 desires. Notice if it’s harder or easier to come up with what you want or even crave. Let yourself really get into it – no judgement.
*Figure out the best way to complete your goals.
*Decide which desire(s) you want to pursue because you need to and take the first step.
*Ask for help if you feel stuck
Let me share a personal example of all this. Recently, I decided I had too many books. Since I am a bit of a gypsy, every time I move, the multiple, heavy book boxes really make moving more complicated and difficult. I also feel like I have clothes in my closet that are just taking up space. I don’t wear them, I keep thinking I “might” wear them, “someday” and, they also add to my moving burden. So, I had the goal of getting rid of some books and clothes and it felt good when I was able to donate them.
On the other hand, I have an appetite to travel as much as I can. I love seeing new places, finding out about the history of a location, and meeting interesting people. Last year I traveled quite a bit and this year it is my intention to do the same. I also desire to expand my transformational coaching business. One way to fulfill those desires is by creating a retreat in Tuscany in May. I contacted a wonderful company that knows the ins and outs of this endeavor and we’re on!
See if you can find the pleasure in this exercise. It can feel good to get things done as well as dream and fantasize. Pay attention to your goals and desires. They will give purpose to your life, especially if they come from deep within you.
How Old Are Your Friends?
“Every person is a new door to a different world.” -From the movie Six Degrees of Separation Our friends are one of the most cherished parts of our lives.
As The Beatles once sang, “I get by with a little help from my friends.”
Most of us have at least one friend with whom we share all our ups and downs. It is wonderful to have friends in our lives – for most of us, it is essential. Let me ask you something, though … how old are they? Many of us have friends and acquaintances around the same age as we are. That’s a good thing – these people have much in common with us and share a similar outlook. But, what about younger or older friends? Getting to know others outside our age or generation often opens up a whole new realm of ideas and points of view. It broadens our horizons and gets us to possibly see or think differently about some things. Younger people contribute to keeping us young (and, they are invaluable for explaining all the new technology coming along!) and older people share their wisdom.
Keep an open mind about making new friends!